Some puns

So my sister found some puns on the Duct Tape Guys website in one of their newsletters. Some of them are pretty funny!

• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
• A calendar's days are numbered.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
• When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
• If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
• Acupuncture: a jab well done.
• The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
• He acquired his size from too much pi.
• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
• A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
• Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
• I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.'